J.Peterman-esque product descriptions

The Classic Army T-shirt

There are only two things that come from Texas.

I first saw Full Metal Jacket in the summer of ’87. The ornery Gunnery Sergeant of that movie sums up an aspect of the army that comes from our human nature. You don’t ask questions. You do. You put your head down and work hard until your lungs are bursting and you can’t give any more.

I toyed loosely with the idea of joining the army all summer. I brought myself an olive drab T-short just like this one and wore it with torn jeans or beach shorts where I’d do press ups in the sand and swim out further than anyone in order to impress girls and yeah, push myself.

I never signed up, my life taking a different course, but today when I see an army style T-shirt it reminds me of being all you can be. Yeah Maybe the Gunnery Sergeant would be proud.

The Classic Army T-shirt. Light, comfortable cotton fabric, has good permeability, suitable for outdoor daily, and training.  Colors: Khaki, Brown, Green

Grandpa’s Long Sleeve Shirt

It began as underwear, like all great fashion innovations.

I’d had a crush on the girl who lived next door to my grandparents for most of my teens. Her name was Sally-Ann. She was blond, with rosy-summer tanned skin. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her when Mom and I spent one thanksgiving with them, the year before I went to college.

It got serious. We made out a few times. My grandparents had gone shopping with Mom. Sally-Ann came over and things got heated. She took off her top, then my shirt.

Suddenly I heard the car pull up outside. Mom had forgotten her purse I later learned. Sally-Ann was out the back door and over the fence before I turned around. I couldn’t find my shirt, then realized she’d taken it.

She’d left behind her pink halter neck top. I put it on, but it wasn’t going to work.

I ran into Grandad’s room, opened a draw and put on the first thing I found. It was his button down winter undershirt. Yeah, like this shirt. I made an excuse about spilling food on my shirt and walked around in this for the rest of the day.

It looked good. A fashion icon is born.

Grandpa’s Long Sleeve T-Shirt. Cotton+Polyester. Colors: White, Black, Red, Dark Grey, Navy